just some thoughts tt i wanna pen down here .
pen-ed on 21 jan 2oo7

actually i've been struggling with alot of things .
be it my own prob, family, church, friends, ppl i cherish, its like nothing is going very well .
no one knows how hard i've fell the other time(not literally falling onto the ground, another meaning) it saddens me with the truth .
truth that i know but i dont wish to hear, truth that are too BIG tt i dont have the courage to face .
what is the truth ?
have u been truthful to me ?
i always trusted u, no matter how bad ppl commended abt u i just cant help to nod and say hmmm maybe, not sure .
i'm really stucked in the middle .
i thought u are my true friend, i thought i can and maybe u can tell be things that are true .
i guess, right from the start, u are nv true to yourself .
and then of coz, u cant be true to me .
had quite some talk last night, im sorry bud for tellin the truth to her .
cause i'm stuck !

i'm recovering from the fall slowly, bit by bit .
but i still feel the hurt, the hurt u caused in me .
i dont know how to face u, even myself and the rest involved .
i was in dillemma whether i shld just close my eyes abt this, but God always give me a hit on the other side when i wanna run away from it .
maybe i'm not strong enough, strong enough to understand and face the truths .
i was all alone .
during this period, our r/s strained and sour .
its never the same again .
i dont know how to approach you to tell u that this and that u're doing is wrong .
i'm afraid tt u will feel the other way .

i dont know how to start the race from the pit at work stop .
is like after few rounds of track, something in me break down .
i have to stop at the pit at work stop to change everything .
but even when i'm ready, i should have already forget how to start the race again .

maybe u've learnt alot through all these and i learnt something out of it too .
we never know what's our weaknesses when we never fall for it once .
and sometimes, ppl fall for it more than once !
why ?
i dont know .

God really tells me alot of things through this .
being calculative is never part of love .
when i ask God, how to love ?
he showed me the cross and said: THIS MUCH !(repeated several times) this much i love you and when you know the truth and u know how i love u, GO and LOVE .
i teared badly !!!

ABBA, ABBA, ABBA !
tt's how i cried for u when i was in pain .
i could feel ur warmth over me when i seek u .
u told me wonders and i'm really grateful .
thanks for being there for me each time when i seek u .
how high and how wide, how deep and how long, how sweet and how strong is YOUR LOVE !

i wont let this hinder my walk and my own personal worship with you, LORD !~

♥ my thought you cant decode ♥ 3:49 AM